Fr.
John Martin's Vocation Journey: One
Man's "Search for Meaning" continued
My early years in the monastery
were marked by considerable internal struggle.
Firstly, I needed to let go of someof the unreal and
idolized images I had about living in a religious
community. Sharing much of the time and space that
was once my own with a dozen other
men was just as much a challenge as it was an
inspiration. Then I had to acknowledge the unreal
perceptions I had about myself, as people “pushed my
buttons” and many of the faults I could conceal when I
lived alone became apparent to me and, I’m sure, to others as
well. And so a crucial part of the “meaning” that
monastic life required was to accept and affirm the
power of God’s grace and mercy working in me and in the
men I am called to share this life with.
A spiritual director (not a Benedictine) once cautioned
me that “monastic life is not more meaningful than other
vocations”. With the greater maturity that comes
with time, I admit that he was right, that this
“extraordinary vocation” now seems rather ordinary much
of the time, and that even the struggle to accept myself
and others is a typical backdrop to my daily life.
The essential thing, though, is that the prayer, work
and community I have lived at St. Benedict’s since 1995
continues to fuel my search for meaning today; and
somewhere, somehow I still regularly find it: in time
set aside for prayer, the invitation to be generous in
my work and ministry, my need to surrender to God’s will
in a particular situation or in the joy of love and
concern shared with another. As it turns out,
“meaning” is found wherever we can discern God’s call
and God’s presence, and the monastery is that place for
me.