Fr. John Martin's Vocation Journey:  One Man's "Search for Meaning" continued

     My early years in the monastery were marked by considerable internal struggle.  Firstly, I needed to let go of some of the unreal and idolized images I had about living in a religious community.  Sharing much of the time and space that was once my own with a dozen other men was just as much a challenge as it was an inspiration.  Then I had to acknowledge the unreal perceptions I had about myself, as people “pushed my buttons” and many of the faults I could conceal when I lived alone became apparent to me and, I’m sure, to others as well.  And so a crucial part of the “meaning” that monastic life required was to accept and affirm the power of God’s grace and mercy working in me and in the men I am called to share this life with.

      A spiritual director (not a Benedictine) once cautioned me that “monastic life is not more meaningful than other vocations”.  With the greater maturity that comes with time, I admit that he was right, that this “extraordinary vocation” now seems rather ordinary much of the time, and that even the struggle to accept myself and others is a typical backdrop to my daily life.  The essential thing, though, is that the prayer, work and community I have lived at St. Benedict’s since 1995 continues to fuel my search for meaning today; and somewhere, somehow I still regularly find it: in time set aside for prayer, the invitation to be generous in my work and ministry, my need to surrender to God’s will in a particular situation or in the joy of love and concern shared with another.  As it turns out, “meaning” is found wherever we can discern God’s call and God’s presence, and the monastery is that place for me.

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